“Am I not doing enough? Should I quit my job?” If you constantly find yourself asking these questions, it could be Mom Guilt. In this post, I share practical tips on how to conquer it and reframe your mindset to stop the self-blame game.
If you’re a mom, chances are you’re quite familiar with these phrases:
“I don’t have time.”
“I can’t get anyone to watch my kids.”
“My kids want me to hang out with them.”
You probably know the feeling of not being able to go to the bathroom without having an audience. And even when the door’s shut, there’s no alone time when you have kids. More than ever, it’s easy to feel pressured by society, social media, and even our circles to raise our kids a “certain” way.
So finding a moment to carve out in time to: go have that workout, get those daily steps in, follow a healthy meal plan, or calculate your macros can all seem so impossible. With 4 kiddos (and our dog Kiwi), it took me YEARS to get a rhythm and stop beating myself up! And guess what… that’s part of the learning process as moms!
If you find yourself constantly weighed down by things you could have done better or things you’re not doing enough of…
If you constantly feel like you’re “messing things up” as a mom… I’m here to tell you that’s probably Mom Guilt talking and there are ways to soothe your tired momma soul.
This post shares how to overcome Mom Guilt and tips to consistently boost your health, wellness — and even sanity!
Jump to:
Is It Normal To Have Mom Guilt?
Yes, it’s totally normal to have mom (and dad) guilt. With 4 kiddos (Jordan, Savannah, Hunter, and Carolina), I’ve been there myself! But what is it? Mom Guilt is that feeling like you’re never doing enough for your child.
It can manifest in different ways and can be rooted in internal or external sources ranging from personal insecurities to unsolicited advice and a myriad of other factors.
How Can I Stay Healthy And Well As A Mom?
It’s easy to get caught up in putting the needs of your child first. Not only is that understandable but paramount to us parents. But here’s the truth: you’re only valuable to your kid if you’re healthy.
Let’s allow that to sink in for a bit. Moms can move heaven and earth to make sure that their kids get what they need. It’s time to make sure to take that level of prioritization for yourself. So let those feelings of guilt slip away, shift from the mindset of negative self-talk, and read on.
Here are some tips I’ve found to stay healthy, happy, and keep your sanity as a mom:
1. (Really) find time for yourself.
Get up an hour before everybody and make sure that time is uninterrupted. Work around your schedule to make sure you get that time to yourself while they’re sleeping or while they’re busy.
If you have to work out or get your “me time” at night while they sleep, schedule it after they go to bed. You will find time if you MAKE time. Doing so is amazing for your physical health and mental well-being.
2. Plot your priorities on your calendar.
Apart from activities for the kids, work, and errands, do you have time slots scheduled for yourself? Block time for your workout, quality time with friends, or fave self-care activity and make sure not to miss that appointment.
There will be some crazy days but try not to skip the time for you altogether and instead, condense your workout! Do some burpees or planks at least to show yourself that your health and well-being are priorities. Being a good mother means self-compassion and self-care, too.
3. Get the kids involved.
Your kids love you and they’re gonna love to work out with you! Get creative and turn your aerobics into playing a game of soccer with them. You can even start by just having them stretch with you after exercising! It will take some getting used to but over time, can be super fun for everyone. Put a new perspective on your workout!
4. Just get it done.
It can be SO easy as a mom to use your kids as an excuse and think that you’re a better mom for it. I challenge you to stop considering whether or not you are one. Instead, consider what you want your kids to learn from you and the example you set for them on health and wellness. Pass on a parenting style that teaches your kids we’re all important. Moms, dads, and munchkins!
How Do I Handle The Responsibilities Of Motherhood?
Being a mother involves wearing a seemingly infinite number of hats because the responsibilities just never end. To handle the demands of motherhood as best as we can, it ultimately boils down to taking care of yourself well.
This doesn’t mean you’ll be free from sleepless nights or mini breakdowns. Those are all completely normal. But to give you an idea…
Here’s what taking care of yourself can look like in small, simple, and sustainable ways:
- Scheduling coffee, a weekly phone call, or a playdate with a great friend who can listen
- Setting aside one weekly date night with your partner (Or a 30-min catch-up or cuddle sesh?)
- Putting an undisturbed hour aside for yourself DAILY (no shame – only gain)
- Allowing trusted friends or family to help with errands or be a caregiver to your kids so you can nap or sleep (you’re still a good mom when you do this)
What Do You Say To A Struggling Mom?
Every mom has struggles unique to them and their kids. No one is perfect, but with social media and the many pressures we’re faced with, it’s easy to allow things to get to us.
So here are some things you can say to a struggling mom or even to yourself when things start to feel like too much and the guilty feelings rise to the surface:
- Don’t compare yourself to other moms and their kids. No one lives in perfection.
- You’re doing great. Bury those negative thoughts!
- You’re not alone. Your friends and colleagues are facing the same things.
- Don’t let societal expectations define you. Your inner critic is the only thing holding you back.
- Can I help with (a specific need you’re able to do for them)?
What New Moms Should Hear?
There’s a lot of compassion and encouragement that you can give to a new mom, which will definitely go a long way.
Below are things you can say and offer to new moms as they start their beautiful journey of motherhood:
- Do you want to talk?
- That’s completely normal.
- You’re doing amazing.
- I knew you’d rock being a mom!
- Your baby is so lovely/adorable. (A genuine compliment, y’all.)
- Can I help you with (a specific need)?
Lastly, refrain from giving —gasp— unsolicited advice. While we may mean well, it’s always best to offer support and encouragement instead of how-to tips on raising their child. Unless, of course, they ask you for it.
How Do I Retrain My Brain To Let Go Of Mom Guilt?
Mom Guilt can happen to anyone, in various degrees, and through different triggers. One thing all mothers can agree on, though, is that it does suck. But the good news is, it’s something we can learn to manage and even let go of!
With the proper mindset and habits that keep you mentally and physically healthy, it’s possible to conquer Mom Guilt.
A few things that might help:
- Know your triggers. What internal or external factors cause unnecessary feelings of Mom Guilt? Should you declutter your social media feed or is it an overbearing relative?
- Stay healthy. Putting your physical and mental health first ensures you can give your family the best version of yourself. Exercising and eating well will help you avoid burnout, fatigue and worry because your confidence in yourself will improve.
- Don’t compare yourself with other moms. I admittedly fell into this trap early on but realized this doesn’t help anyone, and each family is wired differently. Whether you’re a working mom or a stay-at-home mom, we all face the same fears and negative emotions sometimes.
- Be kind to yourself. Remember that no one is perfect but there’s always room for improvement and figuring it out along the way—which is what everyone’s doing.
- Remember gratitude. Being a mom or dad is a gift. Dirty dishes in the sink or tons of waiting laundry aren’t what we need to think of. Our precious kids always mean the most!
And lastly, don’t use your children as an excuse for not taking care of yourself. Instead, make them the REASON and motivation behind it. You’ve got this!
This post contains affiliate links for products I use regularly and highly recommend.
